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It’s a growth journey

by Eileen McDargh
Indian Management November 2020

Cultivating emotional resilience is a leader’s number one job in these disruptive times. A leader’s ability to cultivate emotional resilience in oneself and others is to be a hope merchant.

Pivot. Punt. Pretend. Procrastinate. These are all words leaders might say out loud (or to themselves) as the world moves into the continuous uncertainty brought about by a pandemic that is more than a temporary crisis. The ‘normal’ factors of our lives have all been smashed: where we work, how we work, whom we see, what we feel, how we educate our children, and which industries are destined to close their doors forever.

None of us have ever been in a disaster that circles the globe with no end in sight.

What does this mean for those in leadership positions? Cultivating emotional resilience in ourselves and others has now become job number one. What makes this so difficult is that our logical brain seeks to find data, facts, and tried-and-true methods to move through this situation. We scramble to tune up our technology, change marketing strategies, find other revenue sources, or make cost-cutting decisions, all while doubling down on being rational and analytical.

Now, that is all very practical. But it is not where emotional resilience resides. Instead, emotional resilience resides in our limbic brain, which seeks feelings of trust, transparency, courage, and compassion.

Resilience is about growth
Resilience is not about bouncing back or returning to normal. It is about growing through challenges and opportunities to become stronger, wiser, and more skilled in the process. Ultimately, resilience comes down to energy management. It is about whether we have the emotional, mental, and physical energy to move forward. You can be exhausted at the end of the day, but if your emotional energy says it was a day well spent, you have added another arrow in your resilience quiver.

Resiliency starts with an honest assessment
To build a culture of emotional resilience, leaders must begin from the inside out. Specifically, leaders must first honestly assess their own emotions about living in a world of constant uncertainty, anxiety, and, yes, even fear.

When the pandemic first started, many of us used ‘surge capacity’ to operate. This term was first defined by Ann Marsten, a psychologist and professor of child development at University of Minnesota. Surge capacity is a collection of adaptive systems humans can draw on for short term survival in stressful situations. It explains why we stockpiled water, food, medicine, and toilet paper during the first days of the pandemic. (Though I am still rather befuddled about people hoarding toilet paper.)

From all-hands Zoom meetings to kitchen counters transformed into office spots, from holding virtual dinners to cleaning out closets and garages, from experimenting with meals to discovering new family games, putting something positive into action provided us with feelings of control and relief. Until it did not. The crisis phase did not stop. And for leaders who are used to solving problems and getting things done, this inability to make headway began to undermine the very thing we need most: resilience.

So, how can we right the ship and build resilience in ourselves and others?

  • Understand that resilience is cultivated. Resilience is a life skill and just like growing a plant, it takes tilling the soil, weeding what does not belong, feeding the plant, and nurturing it. How does your resilience ‘garden’ look? What is the weed that seems to be choking your energy? These are the very questions leaders can ask individual team members, as long as you are truly open to listening in a non-defensive way.
  • Acknowledge, to yourself and your team, that life is different now. There is no way to gloss over our new reality or pretend that life has not changed. Every member of your team has experienced loss to some degree. And with loss comes grief, which might range from denial to anger to acceptance.
  • Allow space for yourself and others to express emotional vulnerability. In many ways, this strange, new world offers opportunities for us to know each other in deeper ways than we did in our pre-pandemic lives. Titles and positions on an organisational chart have little impact when we realise we are all in this together.
  • Recognise that daily pressures can feel relentless—and may induce fear. Jim Parke, CEO of smartphone-case manufacturer Otter Products, knew that anxiety among his 1,100 employees was intense. What happens if someone gets sick with COVID-19? Is it safe to come to work? Will the company be okay? According to an article written by Larry Kanter, former executive editor of Inc., Parke decided to hold a frank Q&A session with his entire company. He has begun sending twice weekly video messages on the company’s financial condition and strategy. Plus, he sets aside time to virtually meet with individual employees at all levels of the company.
  • Feel the pain with your team. Sharing pain sets up an emotional bond that boosts confidence in you as a leader. For example, at Otter Products, Parke offered the company’s 600 distribution centre employees—who are not able to work remotely—the ability to opt out with full pay if they are too frightened to come to work or live with a high-risk individual. Those who do work are paid time and a half.

    To make this happen, Parke cut executive salaries by 30 per cent and his own pay to $1 a year. As Parke explains, “Every leader wants to be a calming voice, but if your actions don’t match your words, it rings hollow.”
  • Consider offering virtual mental health solutions. This could include meditation sessions, virtual workout classes, desktop yoga, and webinars about mental health.
  • Create deep social connections. Loneliness is a feeling of isolation. Just like resilience, the social connections that combat loneliness need to be cultivated and tended.

    Look for quality time versus quantity. Create a list of people you can reach out to, and then follow through.
  • Release unrealistic expectations of yourself and others. Burnout is the result of depleting one’s emotional and physical resources by trying to fulfill a ‘goal’ or a ‘demand’ that drains energy. Now is the time to kick unrealistic, pre-pandemic expectations to the curb. Stop when your emotional limbic brain says stop.
  • Replenish your energy. Where do you get your energy? What kind of downtime do you need? Ask your team this same question. Rethink what options you do have to refill your energy tank.

    For instance, that you cannot eat out does not mean you cannot experiment with new food in your home. Just because you cannot go to the piano class does not mean you cannot find instructions via YouTube. My youngest granddaughter just taught herself how to play the ukulele from watching a YouTube video!
  • Make gratitude a daily practice. Think about what you are grateful for, and write it down. Think of this as putting a deposit into your resilience bank account. When we realise how much we have to be thankful for, the pain of the pandemic lessens. It is also a great way to begin or end a virtual meeting. Let individual team members know what you appreciate about them.

One other thought: do something for someone else every day. Leave soup at the door of an elderly neighbour. One woman I know surprised postal workers with her homemade lemon cakes just to say ‘thank you’. One of the postal workers started crying. When you reach out to others, you recharge your emotional resilience.

Remember the words of Howard Zinn, the philosopher: “To have hope, one doesn’t need certainty—only possibility.” At the end of the day, a leader’s ability to cultivate emotional resilience in oneself and others is to be a hope merchant.

Eileen McDargh is Chief Energy Officer, Resiliency Group. Her new book is Burnout to Breakthrough: Building Resilience to Refuel, Recharge, and Reclaim What Matters.

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