Management Perspectives

A few years ago, I was on a business trip with an associate. During this particular trip, I met someone with whom my associate had started a relationship. A few weeks later, this person emailed me and asked if the associate still worked for us. When I replied, “Yes,” they told me that our associate had ghosted them.

At the time, I did not understand this term, so I asked the associate what it meant. He said that ghosting is the norm for people who wish to cease communications with someone they met on a dating app.

Frankly, I was amazed. This associate was someone I trusted to be an advisor for our company, which entails teaching and reinforcing effective communication skills. Learning that he employed ghosting as a method for personal communication was shocking. I was honest with him and told him that not only is ghosting unprofessional, but it is the act of a weak and egotistical person.

As I thought more about ghosting and reflected on some of the interactions I’ve had, I realised that ghosting has been tacitly used in awkward situations for a long time. Throughout my career I have experienced ghosting only a few times, and in each scenario, I have come to the same conclusion as I did with our former associate: Ghosting is the act of a weak and egotistical person.

Closure is something humans need and deserve, even if it is painful. Ghosting denies the needed experience of closure. I am not talking about not responding to unsolicited contacts on social media or to salespeople who come to your office, leave a card, and then call your office incessantly. Inexcusable ghosting is terminating a relationship by one party without providing an explanation or any communication to the other party.

People who use ghosting as a tactic in business tend to have pervasive issues with accountability, follow through, and interpersonal interactions. Many of these individuals are narcissistic and experience high employee, vendor, or customer turnover in their businesses.

You can, and should, avoid ghosting in business if you want to project a positive influence. Here’s why:

• Ghosting derails opportunities for growth. Individuals who employ ghosting lose out on opportunities to better themselves and the people from whom they are turning away. By ignoring an issue instead of facing it head on, you are unlikely to learn from it and more likely to make the same mistake in the future. Yes, this sort of conversation can be difficult, but expressing openly why you do not wish to continue a relationship can allow both you and the other party to learn and move one.
• Ghosting burns bridges. By choosing to ignore someone who continues to reach out, you, in effect, burn a bridge to any positive standing you may have with this person or others in their sphere of influence. You tarnish your own, and potentially, your company’s reputation. But you can let go without severing ties. Instead of ghosting someone, write an email or pick up the phone and have an honest discussion. It can be as simple as, “I/We don’t feel that our relationship is beneficial for me/us any longer, and I/we don’t wish to pursue this relationship any further.” If you are asked to give a reason, you can either choose to be honest or give a simple response, “This isn’t a direction I/ we want to pursue at this time.” You do not owe anyone an explanation if you do not wish to give one.
• Ghosting prevents an understanding of why you are parting ways. Running away from a situation that could be resolved is the cowardly person’s response. Rather, when you decide to cut ties with someone, if you help the other person to understand the reason why, you can both better ensure that you won’t end up in a similar circumstance in the future.

If you find yourself being ghosted, realise that the person ghosting you is acting from a position of weakness and ego. Your time is better spent moving on and chalking the experience up to the other person’s weakness of character. The lesson learnt can be invaluable for you in the future as you realise that ghosting is a tactic that ultimately harms the person doing the ghosting more than it harms the one being ghosted. We can model appropriate behaviour, both personally and professionally, by not leaving others hanging and by communicating honestly and sincerely, even when moving on from a relationship.